I like to stay busy. It’s kind of “my thing.”  And it’s a good thing, because I’ve got three kids, ages 4 and under, who keep me on my toes.  A stomach virus hit 2/3 of my kids this week, keeping me in a constant state of changing diapers, doing laundry, and snuggling babies who just want to be held.

In my last post, I shared how God revealed that His plans are not always my plans, and His timing is not always my timing.  It took me a solid year to embrace this season of my life.

Amidst the laughter and tears, praise and discipline, excitement and worry, it’s safe to say that with parenthood there is never a dull moment.  Being a mom is no joke.

Here are two quotes from Give Them Grace, by Elyse M. Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson, that have stuck with me:

“I thought parenting was going to portray my strengths, never realizing that God had ordained it to reveal my weaknesses.”
- Dave Harvey

“Therefore, there will be no rest for my bones or yours unless we listen to the Word of grace and stick to it consistently and faithfully.”
- Martin Luther

The former has been good to remind me that I am a sinner in desperate need of a Savior.  I don’t always have all the answers, patience, or grace that I want or should have.  The latter has shown me where to turn in my moments of despair.

Two weeks ago, my oldest peed on the couch and then lied to me for a good hour before fessing up. I found myself furious with him for lying and being lazy, and utterly disappointed in myself for failing to receive and give God’s grace in that instant.  One of the most beautiful facets of the Gospel is that despite my short-comings (in parenting or otherwise),  I cannot affect my children’s salvation.  So when I fail my son by hardening my heart in anger, I can trust that God is bigger than my sinfulness and He can reach those who he has elected.

Parenthood is shaping my relationship with God, drawing me close to Him.  I pray that I can be used to glorify God to my kids the way they have been used to glorify God to me.

“Nevertheless, not my will, but yours, be done.” Luke 22:42

Recently I’ve had several opportunities to reflect on this passage and what it’s meant in my life.

I  behaved just like Jonah.  About five years ago, God sent me to a proverbial Ninevah when I unexpectedly found myself pregnant.  This happened a few days after I arranged to go to Costa Rica for my student teaching.  He wanted me to learn to be a wife and mother, but I was afraid, so I ignored Him as best I could.  I became a wife and mother, but I was still determined to teach, to work outside the home.  My plans would not be derailed.

The Lord humored me for a while.  I graduated, got my credential in two states, and secured a teaching position, just like I wanted.  But after one year of teaching (which was not all I thought it would be), I became a stay-at-home-mom, and to say that it was a struggle for me was an understatement.

I had it all figured out.  Surely God didn’t send me to college so that I could sit at home all day, every day, with the kids.  He was going to use me for more noble work in the world.  But, I didn’t understand His purpose, His will, for wives and mothers, for me.

I had continued to go on my own way, ignoring His calling in my life.  I chose to believe that I knew what was best for me in my life.  But God is sovereign and God is good.  He knew that I needed to be redirected back to Him, so He shut every door until He was all I had. I had lost sight of being the creation and not the creator.

Are you listening to God? What is he calling you to do with your life?

When I agreed to contribute on Substance Over Shadows, I created an acronym- labeled folder in my e-mail, “SOS,” to keep organized.  Immediately, I caught on to the unintended irony and couldn’t help but let out a little laugh.

I often find myself drowning in the shadows, marveling at all the wonders God created in this world, wanting to do it all, but missing the big picture.

As Christians our purpose is to glorify the One, true God.  We can start out aspiring to do just that and before we know it we’ve lost all sense of direction and purpose.  We get focused on the what instead of the why. Today I start off on the right foot, but tomorrow the purpose disappears and suddenly we’re panicking, sending out a distress call, “SOS.” The to-do list is a mile long, we realize that the waves are suddenly too rough, and we can’t find our way back to shore.  God, please, save me. 

And God, our substance, is always faithful to do just that.  What’s even more baffling to me is His graciousness to let us try again. Let’s be real–he doesn’t need us to bring Him glory.

It is a privilege to serve God, and so I leave you with this: 1 Peter 4: 7-11

“…be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.”